Sunday, September 24, 2017

An Open Heart

Foreword: This is by far the most personal post I've ever written here, to date. I'm not sure how popular these discussion posts will be, but it would mean so much to me if people read and commented on them. I guess they're not all going to be bookish, but most probably will. I really hope you enjoy reading them.

I wrote this post awhile back, so I don't feel like this most of the time. Perhaps this is more a work of fiction. But it's something I'd like you to read, and your opinions would mean a lot.

Sometimes I lie awake, thinking. Wishing. I want someone who will understand me, love me for who I am, not who they want me to be. Someone who will listen to everything I tell them with an open heart, hold me when I'm crying, comfort me when I'm hurt. Someone who will fight for me if necessary, protect me from all that wish me harm. Sometimes I even cry myself to sleep just thinking about how nice it would be to have that person in my life right now. Someone I could love, a reason to live.

I need that reason.

I need that someone to lie next to, that someone who will wrap their arms around me protectively and keep me warm when it's cold outside. That someone who will whisper words of comfort into my ear in times of need, give me their best advice, cheer me on from within me. Someone who is deeply connected to me, attuned to my mind, body and senses.

That connection will keep me alive.

Without that person, I will slowly wither and retreat. I'll lose my youth and shrink back to the sidelines. I'll shiver when it's cold, break into pieces when I'm hurt. I'll eventually just burn out and die like a candle left with no more wax to burn.

Please, I'm begging you. Save me.

Others may think it is a selfish need, yet it isn't. I'd do anything for you, brave all the endless storms. They say I love to create drama, but really it's the only way I can survive for a little bit without you, like a small piece of wood fueling a fire. Yes, I need you, but you need me too. You may not realise it yet, but you're a life saver. You can't live without saving my life, and I can't live without you. I've barely survived without you here, and I've hardly lived.

Make me laugh everyday, let me live.

Only with you can I ruly do as they say, live life to the fullest. You're the only way I'll survive. I've barely managed to drag myself along in those dark times when you weren't here, and I felt like giving up many times as well. I never used to know it, but I certainly know it now; you're the missing puzzle piece, the vital one I've always been missing, always desired. Without you, I was never complete, ever.

Complete me; by my saviour.

This post sings to me. I may no longer feel so negative, but it screams about a young girl who is lost and can't find her way. She's finally found her light, but she doesn't know it.

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